My personal experience has gone a long way to say this with confidence.
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Each of us has free will where this is concerned. This time armed with his consent and what we perceive as blessings or permission. An unwavering presence, waiting for many like me to break down and submit. Humbled, that is how I feel when I eventually get there. Does he budge? No, he just sits there with the calm benign countenance, the hint of a smile playing on his lips, the innate sense of peace surrounding him and a look of such compassion in his eyes, I’ve never been able to walk out of there without shedding copious tears. He sits there in his home, the Samadhi Mandir patient in the same way as when his idol was first commissioned, welcoming thousands like me waiting to accuse him for some unrequited feeling or unanswered prayer.
What do I get in return for all these recriminations I’ve hurled his way? His unwavering presence in my life, his just being there, not only in my home by way of a picture hanging on my wall, but the omnipresent feeling in my very soul. In the midst of all this I’ve turned my face the other way, called him names best not spoken of and blamed him for every shattered dream and unfulfilled demand. I’ve hated his guts for turning my wants into a definite tantrum he could well do without. in sheer horror I’ve seen dreams come crashing down like a pack of cards all around me. wanted it badly enough to fight for and then in defeat cajole and eventually beg for, and watch it being gently and and at others not so gently moved away from me. I’ve had many such instances when I’ve raved and ranted over some critical decision I’ve insisted was the right one for me.
Here, I’d like to clarify, it is not always the answer we look for or the solutions we crave, but the best that is to be for us in the mind of the entity we entrust everything in. The common denominator being looking for all they cannot find for themselves and shift the burden of troubles or share happiness with the one who comes to their rescue at any time they call. After at least 10 such trips over an expanse of 15 years, I’ve seen this little abode of peace grow and expand to accommodate the milling millions who rush there to commemorate, celebrate or lay to rest some part of their life. The little businesses on it’s periphery form ancillaries to the temple and sustain a small population, selling memorabilia to remind visitors of their trip there and bring them closer to their God. The Shirdi of my past was a small temple town whose mainstay is the Samadhi Mandir where the mortal remains of Sai Baba are laid to rest and is the destination every seeker of the greater truths in life head for. The very fact the journey happened this time was a bit of a miracle in my mind, from almost not going to actually boarding the bus and getting there makes me believe more in the existence of a superior force plying the threads of my life. So, when standing in the lond serpentine queue in the abode of my Baba in Shirdi, I decided it was time to vent these thoughts and throw them open into the universe and see if something comes back to me in the form of answers which may take me onward in the constant Q and A I play with myself.
that’s alright, as long as it gives me what I look for when in the midst of sorting out myriad emotions insisting on taking a roller coaster ride without my consent. Doesn’t wait to ask the relevant questions of the right people, just keeps piling them and make something of a concept in my own mind, only for me.
Despite the complexity of the whole concept, my mind still insists on asking many questions which are more often than not in the rhetoric. Of all the topics in this wide, wide world, wonder why I choose to write about this one? A subject much written and pondered upon, not just by novices like me, but every great master worth his salt has had something to say on this one. In search of spiritual solace- A quest that never ends, the journey goes on forever….
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